HEARTACHES

Today is what seemed to me...to be the longest day ever!!!

First off....to start my day....i found out my father is getting married! YES MARRIED! I dont even know who this lady is. Im lost for words! As if i already have soo much to deal with already! Im not sure why my dad wants to get married already, its only been almost 6months since him and my mother had divorced! In a way...i guess i will have to just accept this all in MY OWN TIMING.

Second--->>> I WAS going to work things out with my ex husband **dallin tupua**. I just dont feel that he wants a relationship as bad as i do! It SUCKS cause im giving my HEART my ALL for this man that i LOVE! but still....it seems as if hes hiding something, or just wants to please his family!!! Im hurt cause he says he >LoVeS mE<>shame~>embarrassment~>prideful~>and soo much more!!

If you couples only knew how hard it is to LOVE someone....who doesnt show the same amount of LOVE right back!!! Here's How a He makes me FeeL....aLL sOrTs Of **HEARTACHES**

1. I understand his family coming first to him! but really.....i dont EVER remember a TIME when i or my sons have ever come >>>FIRST<<< to him!!

2. saying "I lOvE yOu SiA" <====== i honestly dont know what it means anymore!! to me, its just painful!! STRAIT PAINFUL!!

3. ((LiEs)) after ((LieS)) after ((LiEs))-----> ive ALWAYS kept it real with him!! even lied to close family, brothers and sisters, and friends to keep him happy!!!

4. [[ILL BE THERE]] - i have ALWAYS been there for him!!! even when we werent together!! bent my back so far for him!! DROPPED everything i was doing ALL THE TIME to cater to his needs!!! BuT wHeN i AsK fOr SoMeThInG aS +++SIMPLE+++ as a text ....JUST to LET me KNOW hes THINKING of ME.......its too much for him to do!!! *tear*

5. ??HE KNOWS?? >>>>>>>just what to do to get back to me!!! and where the hell do i end up??? RIGHT BACK in tears!!!


{{{{{{HONESTLY}}}}}} the list of *H*E*A*R*T*A*C*H*E*S* can go O=====>N! but sometime soon.......ILL put a STOP to all this!! I dont know when!! i do know how!!........

HOW====>>> ???
with the *LORD*.........(pausing for a tissue).............

I do pray that the lord helps me find *my self* again!! All this pain and suffering....doesnt even compare to what the lord went thru for EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US.....and ME!......I just really want to know what *true happiness* really feels like!! Im so desperate for *happiness* that im not even used to how it feels like or know too much about it!! I know everyone tells me
~*~*~THE LORD WILL NOT GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU CANNOT HANDLE~*~*~ but honestly......i dont think i can handle much more!!

In time.....we will see truly, where the lord wants me to be!!! **tears**